This situation is all too familiar to me: Someone I love dearly is sharing with me a painful experience, or telling me about struggles that she currently faces. The problem is that I have no words to that can bring comfort or healing because this situation is new and while I can only imagine what it feels like to be in that particular situation or deal with that particular issue, I really have no idea and my imagination probably will not do her any justice. I have no words that she probably hasn’t already heard. As I listen intently, hoping that something insightful will come to surface, I am disappointed in myself as well as I am disappointed in my ability to be a friend in this moment.
Sometimes there are events that shake us to the core, events that make us wonder what we truly know about ourselves, about others or about God. Sometimes we feel pressured to say something, because surely our loved ones need to hear reassuring words from us. And sometimes even the wisest, most knowledgeable people in our lives have no answers to offer us. I am realizing that there are three things I can do when I am faced with situations that leave me stumped, confused, and helpless.
- Be Present
Sometimes it’s easier to avoid situations when we are not sure how to handle them. But make every effort to be present. You may not know exactly what to say or know exactly how your loved one feels, but just be there. Being there may mean you are sit quietly and listen or it may mean you offer a hug. Being there may be different for each relationship, but your presence will matter and will make a difference.
Romans 12:15 encourages us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
2. Ask God To Lead You
We’ve all heard the old saying “Think Before You Speak” and in this case, we need to ask God for wisdom and guidance as we offer our opinions in any situation. It’s tempting to speak your mind or to say something/anything, but what if it leads to more damage being done? I’ve certainly skipped this step before and ended up having to apologize or explain what I intended. Asking God to lead me ensures that I am not speaking from emotions, but that I am speaking with wisdom and care.
Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.
3. Commit to Praying For the Situation
Before giving up hope, pray. Before coming to the conclusion that we are powerless and that all is lost, or before speaking negativity into the situation, pray. Maybe you commit to praying the situation through until there is change; or maybe you select a specific amount of time to lift the situation up in prayer. When we commit to praying about circumstances, we lift the burdens off ourselves and rightly place them in God’s hands. Worrying about the situation often times brings added pressure and weight on our psyche, and our physical bodies. Prayer keeps our eyes off the situation and on the God who can change the situation.
James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Dear Lord, I recognize that there are times when I will not have the right words to say to comfort my loved ones. It is in those very moments that I ask you speak through me. Give me the words to say and help me to be diligent in intercession.
