Today, Just Show Up

I want to cry and scream and jump out of the car which is currently traveling at 80 miles an hour on I-20 East. “Why do all these trees look exactly the same?” I thought to myself. A few minutes earlier I had double checked my phone for an estimated arrival time and not much had changed in two minutes. We still had about 3.5 hours to go until we arrived at our destination and I was dreading the conversation that loomed over our heads and seemed to invade our space with its presence. I wondered what it would be like to avoid the whole discussion, or better yet, what it would be like to run away and not look back.

But the instant I thought that, I was reminded that I needed to be present (to face the issues and the situation) even for this tough and awkward moment and that I needed to experience this moment. Deep down I knew that this moment would inspire my growth and would spur me on to something better and so instead of pulling the covers over my head and diverting the boulders that were coming to me, I took a deep breath and uttered a prayer:

Lord, help me to show up when the situation is difficult. I don’t want to simply turn away and live in a bubble and pretend as if tough times don’t exist. Help me to be present through the valley experiences so that when I reach the mountain top I will be able to experience it more fully and more joyfully. I want to show up even when the odds are not in my favor, because in showing up I make a statement that You are able to do it. Not showing up speaks of my dwindling faith in your power. So I want to show up today.

As hard as the situation is, I will show up and I will depend on Your voice and Your power to move me through it. I will stand upon Your word and Your promise and trust that you are able to move me from here. I will show up knowing that Your power is with me. I will show up knowing that my situation will change and that You are the God of progress.

I will show up knowing that it won’t always be this difficult, but knowing that this is a moment that will spark change and move me into the next phase of my life. I will show up and lean on you when I have no strength. I will show up when the odds are against my success because You see farther into my situation than I will ever see. I will show up and be present and be scared and vulnerable all at the same time. I will show up and depend on You to move me each step of the way. I will show up not knowing all the answers, because in not having all the answers, I take a stand of faith and I hold on to your word and your promises over my life.

I will show up in the tough conversations, because I need them to get to the next level of my relationships. I will show up and be present for the people and things that I need to be present for. I will show up for that is the first step in my victory. I cannot win a fight I don’t show up for.

So God I will show up.

I am here, and I am scared. I am here and I am depending on You. I have no set answers, except that You have an expected end for me. I am here. I showed up. I am here. Jesus, You already showed up for me and I am here. Take my hand and walk with me! Give me the next steps. Give me a heart that is open to healing, forgiving, and loving. Give me a heart that will not run away, a heart that will show up with me, that will be present in the situation.

So I breathed in deeply and dived into the conversation.

And I’m so glad I did. I can’t say that everything worked out perfectly, but I can attest that showing up and being present moved me in the right direction.

So I leave this with you:

Just show up and be present. Just show up and try. Just show up and depend on Holy Spirit to navigate and orchestrate your step.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise–in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56:43-4