Broken For Building

“You just tore my paper and you did the same thing last night!” she said as large drops of  tears began to form in her eyes. I wasn’t really sure what that meant, but it didn’t sound positive.  A part of me wanted to dismiss her as a bit overly dramatic, but instead, I inquired more of her. “What does it mean that I tore your paper?” She explained to me that tearing someone’s paper is anything done that cuts the other person down. It could be a sarcastic remark, an underhanded joke, a sneer, a putdown or anything that wounds another person instead of building him/her up.

And at that moment, I was a bit disgusted with myself because after she explained her feelings, it was clear to me that I had indeed cut her down. I didn’t intend to do it, but it hurt her nonetheless and I felt the sting of God’s conviction.

It wasn’t a loud voice screaming at me or a biting angry voice; instead, it was a subtle nudging at my heart… a persistent, yet subtle nudging. Immediately I knew that I had not made the best choice. Often times we expect God’s correction to be loud or even in our faces, but more times than not, it is quiet. It doesn’t cause everything in your life to stop all at once. In fact, it can almost be muted and if you are not careful, you can miss it and dismiss it as over analyzing. God’s conviction often requires two things from us:

1. Requires immediate acknowledgement – Many times we ignore what God may be speaking to us (sometimes directly, sometimes through others, through His Word). Acknowledging God’s conviction is the first step to responding to God’s conviction. We can acknowledge the conviction by owning up to our action, asking for forgiveness from our heavenly Father or apologizing to another person.

2. Requires immediate action – Failure to act when you know that God is speaking to you is disobedience. When I speak to my daughters about a behavior that is not appropriate, I expect change. I don’t expect change next year; I expect it immediately or the next time we come across the situation. Likewise, God requires our immediate repentance and immediate obedience, not a convenient obedience.

The enemy wants us stuck, beating ourselves up all the while staying in our mess. In his eyes, it’s much better that you spend hours contemplating over what could have been better and playing the scenario over and over in your head.  As long as we stay stuck on the problems and the possibilities, we typically don’t move forward.

When God convicts us, he is trying to get our attention, trying to get us back on the path. He loves us enough to prick our hearts, sometimes in the big stumbles, but more often than not, in the small mess ups.  Conviction does not mean that we stay  guilty. If we choose to, we can accept Jesus’ redemption and be set free from guilt.  

Sometimes we have a tough time accepting the grace and redemption that God offers. We feel undeserving, unworthy, and unforgivable. But all the time, God’s arms are open because of what Jesus offered us through the cross. His arms are waiting for us. They are always open, always hoping, always desiring us to come back home.

Father, I thank you that your redeeming power has freed me from being stuck on guilt. I am not equipped to carry all my burdens and guilt but You are. Enable to hear your still voice and respond quickly when you prick my heart.