I am a planner. Many details of my wedding were planned out before I even got a proposal (I know, don’t judge me). I am often consumed with the details of every part of my life. I constantly write my to-do lists, updating it constantly throughout the course of the day. I am ecstatic when life goes exactly as I’ve imagined it would and exactly as I’ve planned it out in my notebook. But reality always has a harsh way of reminding me that I cannot control every detail of my life. I cannot control the people in my life nor can I control every single circumstance. That is a humbling thought: that as much as I would like to, I (in my mind, I am super woman) lack the ability to fix, arrange, and dictate all the details of my life.
Recently, there have been many situations where things have been beyond my control. I’ve had to quit worrying myself sick and wait for God’s plans to unfold. And all of these months have been gruesome and they have tested my faith.
I’ve had to ask myself tough questions. Do I really trust God to navigate the waters for me or does my trust only apply when I can figure things out on my own? I’ve had to remind myself that my steps are divinely and keenly ordered by God. I’ve had to wipe my tears and know that like Peter, though walking on water (entering new arenas, entering into areas that I feel less than prepared for) is exciting, it is also scary.
I’ve had to calm my self down and remember that Jesus’ hand is outstretched to hold me and help me get to the other side of the water. I’ve had to stop listening to the waves crashing around me, signaling impending danger and focus on where I am going. I’ve had to step out and relinquish my fears and rest assured knowing that God is a God of the small things. I still plan, but I know that there are times when I do not have all the answers of how it will come together. I know that if He can take care of the birds in the air, then surely, He can handle the details of my life. When I stop trying to control every painstaking detail, God can step in and walk me through each step.
You are the God of the small things and the big things. Nothing is too big or too small for you to handle. Help me to step out on faith more knowing that you are right there with me, preparing the way for me.
